I remember when the internet was new and I was fascinated with chat rooms. Me and my best friend at the time was staying the night with me and we were online in a chat room and people kept asking us if we wanted to cyber. Mom made us Amaretto Sours, our first time to purposefully drink alcohol. And then my mom got in on the chat action and started to mess with the guy who kept asking to cyber.

I don't know how this changed my life really other than I taught myself to type, and now I can type pretty fast. I aced those keyboard classes in high school!

Also I won a years supply of Fruit-O-Burst (a wacky cousin of the Mint-o-burst & Cinn-o-Burst gum) for filling out a survey on the website that I liked to visit for the chat room.. It went bad before I could eat it all.

I asked a co-worker yesterday to not buy me anything for Christmas this year. She acted really offended, as if I said please don't celebrate Jesus and his birthday and forgot that he ever existed.

The reason behind my request is I'm only working 2-3 days a week and I get $120 something every two weeks and believe me I need that for food and other stuff, like dog food! ha. I didn't think it would be met with such hostility.

Is there a way that any of you could suggest me to ask the rest of my family this same thing?

I want to get people stuff, and I plan on making some things but if I can't get around to making everyone stuff I don't want to feel guilty either.

Plus it's really not necessary to buy something for everyone on your list that they probably don't want anyway. We just found what we gave Marshall, my brother, for Christmas last year still in the shrink wrap. Nathan said that if he hasn't used it by this year we get to reclaim it! haha.

If you have 30 minutes and want to watch something that will make you feel good I'd recommend watching this:

http://www.viddler.com/explore/Ms_Valerie/videos/240/

I am clearing out and cleaning up some things and I thought that I could post some random writings that I had written in scattered notebooks through the years from high school to a few years after.  

First off a dream that I wrote down:


I got woken up by Arnold and wanted to scream rape

In a small country restaurant Arnold Schwarzenegger was there, but it wasn't a big deal. 

I went to the bathroom but the door didn't lock.  As I was pulling my pants back up Arnold walked in on me.  I made eye contact with him as I turned away expecting him to say excuse me or sorry and walk back out.  Instead he took a step forward with a predator's look in his eyes.  He was insanely tall, eye level with the top of the door frame. I quickly zip up my pants and walk to the door.  He starts to turn and walk back to a table as I yell at him, telling him to just walk away. I cussed him and called him a creep but not too much because I did not want to make a scene.

He sat down at a table with a plump older country lady and started to talk as I watched them out of the corner of my eye.  He gets up and goes to sit at a round booth with more Hollywood looking people and I overhear him say "It's just the delta" in reference to me.  I was offended.

I remembered I needed to change my shirt, so on my way to the bathroom I stop by the older lady's table who was just sitting there alone with a glass of water.  I asked her what she and Arnold talked about and she told me that he said that he'd buy her an ice cream and when it got there he snatched it up, laughed, and ate it himself.  I shared my bathroom experience and told her I cussed him for it and she said good! You needed to! I said yeah, and felt proud of myself for standing up to him.

I went back to the bathroom and noticed that there was a lock on the door, although not a sturdy one, but a lock.  So I worked with it and finally got it.  Then the flimsy wooden door flexed out and Arnold's eyes were at the top of the door looking in.  I felt panic. This time I was not brave, I lost my voice and woke up freaked out.

By seperating a woman from her own environment and surrounding her with strange people using strange machines that do strange things to her, her state of mind and body are so altered that her way of carrying through this intimate act of giving birth must also be altered. 

The entire modern, published literature in obstretics is based on observations of "medicalized" birth.  It is not possible for obstetricians to know what births would have been like without these manipulations, as they have not personally experienced natural birth.

-from Creating Your Birth Plan, The Definitive Guide to a Safe and Empowering Birth by Marsden Wagner, M.D, M.S.

Oh! I almost forgot to mention, the Dalai Lama will be in Memphis on September 23!

We changed our tickets to come back two days early to be there!

 

Leaving for Costa Rica tomorrow!

I just thought I'd share this. It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling.

"Since 1986 a Richmond, Indiana organization called Neighbors East and West (NEW) has sponsored trips to countries which our government has labeled at enemies. In the eighties it was the Soviet Union, after that Cuba; a few days ago my wife and I returned with a NEW delegation of twenty people who had just completed a two-week visit to Iran.

The purpose of this trip was to encounter ordinary people in Iran on a personal basis, and attempt to forge bridges between the citizens of Iran and the USA at a time when the two governments are engaging in threats rather than negotiation.

As usual, participants in this recent excursion found the personal contacts easy to attain and always rewarding, while government action often was complicating and hard to understand.

For Ruth and me, the trip included extended stays in Tehran and Esfahan, with brief visits to the cities of Qom and Kashan, and an overnight stay in the small village of Abyaneh. Others in our group were able to visit Shiraz, and the ancient Persian capitol of Persepolis.

Our first and last stays were in Tehran, a huge, bustling city of more than twelve million at the foot of the Alborz Mountains. It is comparable to Los Angeles, with its heavy and chaotic traffic, accompanying smog, and its apparent lack of a civic plan. Though the city could be confusing, we were helped many times by men (often in suits) and women (often in black) who would show us the way to the bank, or the metro, or the post office which would not otherwise have been able to find.

250 miles south of Tehran, in the midst of a brutal desert, we found the growing city of Kashan. We wound our way through half-built neighborhoods of apartment buildings, and then suddenly found ourselves in a beautiful garden of flowing water and fountains, built in the mid 19th century. Here we had our first encounters with Iranian high-school and university students: The boys wearing tee shirts and jeans, and the girls often in uniform with their heads covered. They were similar in their eagerness to meet us and to use their newly learned English. Always their first words to us were “Welcome to Iran!”

Our most elderly traveler, Al Inglis of Richmond, Indiana often would entertain on his e-flat harmonica. Another of our travelers, Bob Mullin of St. Paul, always had a Frisbee handy when the situation called for it.

We spent a night in the mountain village of Abyaneh, and most of a day investigating its tiny streets, wide enough for only one donkey at a time. One of us introduced Frisbee throwing to the eight students of the local elementary school, and left the disc as a present to the school; others sampled the hand crafts and dried fruit available in the shops along the way.

At noontime Ruth and I were walking through a small park a little ways from the village. We passed a family sitting comfortably on a carpet, laying out a picnic. When they saw us, they immediately invited us to join them, made room for us and offered us a variety of nuts, fruit and sweets. We had no choice but to (creakily) sit down with them, share what little we had and enjoy a conversation of fractured English with a little Farsi added.

We traveled on to Esfahan, which is described by visitors as “Half the world.” On the outside Esfahan is a desert city with low buildings and dusty streets. On the inside it is a jewel. Its predominant feature is Naghsh-e Jahan Square, 500 meters by 300 meters, with the large Imam Mosque at one end and several remarkable buildings along the sides.

Joining all the buildings together are the arcades of the Bozorg Bazaar, containing the work of the finest Persian craftsmen. Scattered here and there are shops containing the finest oriental carpets in the world, and probably the finest carpet salesmen as well.



But Esfahan is more than Imam square. Leading to the Zayenda River is the Chahar Bagh Abbasi Boulevard, a shopping and walking street unique for its beauty and business. The river itself is flanked by miles of carefully kept parks, and crossed by seven bridges, each an architectural masterpiece. Yet we found Esfahan to be more than parks, magnificent buildings and interesting shops. We found the people we met even more special. We can think back with pleasure of the evening we asked about finding a post office, and as a result a young married couple took time out of their day to give us a full tour of the parts of central Esfahan which we had not seen. We can think about the baker who gave us freshly baked bread whenever we passed his shop, and when we tried to pay for it he gave us back more in change than we had given him. And we can remember the young man who took me all over Tehran to show me a Santur – the ancient ancestor of the Hammered Dulcimer. When we crossed the street he would guide me carefully and always position himself to block oncoming traffic.

We returned to Tehran for our last three days, and managed to become comfortable with the metro and with the unwritten rules which govern traffic. We were able to make even more new friends, and were invited into two different homes for a meal or afternoon tea. We were given a tour of one of Tehran’s Universities, and we visited an American couple, former Richmond residents, who were finishing a year of study in Iran. We were regularly recognized as tourists, and when Iranians found out our nationality they became interested, excited and hospitable, all at once. For us it was one of the few times as travelers when we have been happy rather than embarrassed to have been identified as American Tourists.

When we returned to the United States we were amazed to encounter very strong negative attitudes toward Iran at all levels, promoted by a remarkable ignorance of the country. Iran seems to be some sort of threat to us – our natural enemy, about which presidential candidates us words like “Bomb, Bomb, Bomb” or “Obliterate.”

Not only does it make no sense to us, it also hurts us deeply that the friendly and decent people who were so helpful to us can be so easily categorized as our collective enemy. We are hoping that other Americans can travel to Iran and experience it first-hand. Perhaps we can together recognize that beautiful lives are more valuable than political expediency."

People should give good hugs more often.

Seriously get over whatever weird social stigmas you may have and give good hugs, you'll receive good hugs in return!

Just thought I'd share some cuteness.

Also would anyone be interested in seeing the cake I drew up for the wedding? I also have a picture of a Katamari Damacy cake that I found online!

I guess I should add that she later had another puppy that was a boy. In between the two though she birthed a not live, not fully developed puppy. It was alot sadder than I thought. he went into labor again and I layed my head by her head as she winced in pain. She had her eyes locked on mine and they would water as the contractions got stronger. When she birthed the not live one she immediately jumped up and started licking it frantically, she knew something was not right.. She starts trying to clean it up and I had to take it away from her and let her focus on the living puppy.. We took it outside and buried it. I felt her deflated tummy when I got back and felt one more small nudge. 45 minutes later she gave birth to a (living) little boy.

For those who don't know her baby's dad is a Dachshund, so crossed with a Min. Schnauzer they should be interesting pups. I think we'll keep both of them.

Nathan thinks that the second puppy was a reminder of how precious life is.

So far she's being a good mom. Pictures later!

Alyx had one puppy today.

I thought there would be more, maybe we'll get a surprise straggler but it looks to be an only child.

It's a girl!

Pregnant!

ok guess what?

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Dancing babies/young kids!









Check them out!!

So I stopped by the Winn-Dixie grocery store on the way home from work to pick up kitty milk because we are being pseudo kitty parents for four kittens whose mom disappeared.

I picked up the formula and then thought about all the meowing and mewing that would be going on at my house and then picked up a six pack of Newcastle beer. Passing the florist section I picked up a potted flower to give to Lily because her mom died and she seems really down.

Walking up to the register I put my stuff down on the belt thinking about my odd selection of things to buy and if the cashier notices the weird things people buy and in turn wonders about the people buying them. Then I notice this little girl about 6 or 7 years old pulling candy off the shelf and putting it on the belt as fast as her dad is telling her to put it back. She whines and stomps saying she never gets to buy any. Then I look over at his purchases, two items stacked on top of the other, I immediately notice Magnum condoms on the bottom and on top of that some childrens Benedryl. As soon as I register the condoms I look up and the guy makes eye contact with me paired with an awkward smile.

It wasn't until I was walking out of the store and saw him driving away in his Honda Odyssey that I realize the purpose of the benedryl, to make his wild ass kid go to sleep!



I hope this makes sense because I'm still drinking and am too lazy to go back and re-read. Enjoy!

"NASA photos show giant 'cosmic hand'"

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/TECH/space/04/14/space.hand/index.html

I enjoyed emergentpattern post of this, so maybe yall will too..
( Who comments the most on this journal? )

So yesterday we made hula hoops while listening to a talk that Alex & Allison Grey gave at Burning Man a few years ago.. It was unbelievably nice. We finished off the evening playing with our new found toys, having a few Newcastles and/or Southern Pecan and eating dinner and later playing cards at the neighbors house.



I snuck off that morning and went and bought alot of Easter chocolates, for some reason Nathan really likes those Cadbury eggs and some other junk food goodies that he likes and put them in a basket I had around. But first I lined it with some tall wispy grass that was growing outside and wrapped a pretty vine around it. It had a nice aesthetic to it. I made him tea and woke him up. He said what's this?! Happiness lit up his face soon followed by a look that he couldn't hide, one of disappointment that he didn't get me anything. I didn't mind, I wasn't expecting anything and I wasn't really planning on getting him anything either. I just thought it'd be fun.


Something I gathered from the Grey's talk, was about love and relationships.. I'm not sure which was saying it but it doesn't really matter. They talked about how they saw each other as their guru and also a reincarnated Buddha, and also the same for their daughter. They each were there to learn from each other. And how if you saw your partner as a dog then they would be a dog to you, but if you saw them as a reincarnated Buddha, or your guru they would become this for you. And as I thought this over a switch seemed to flip in my mind. I can get easily caught up in this life with the small unimportant things and get annoyed with Nathan for whatever insignificant reason. But in just changing my way of thought to he is someone I can learn from and also be in love with made a huge difference. I'm not saying I thought of him as a dog before but still I did not realize it that he was not elevated in my mind.

And now that leaves me with the thought to elevate everyone in this way, to see everyone as a guru and that I can learn even something small from everyone. It will take time to change old habits but I think if I can elevate everyone in this way, I too will be elevated in consciousness and spirit.

Cell phones, mainly those who walk around with the blue tooth things on their ear.

Here's a story from fmylife.com for an example:

"Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML"

Ha!

But seriously my experience has been assholes wear those things. I hate it when people come into my store that I work at and start talking on their blue tooth, it confuses me.

Sorry if any of you wear them.. hopefully not out in public where you trick people into thinking that you are talking to them!

thought this was funny!

Dear Family Member who thinks they know best for me,

I understand that your concern comes out of love.  And that your gripes with my life and your nudging, no pushing, me in the direction that you think is best is also based out of love but it is starting to drive me crazy.

Let me also take this opportunity to point out that I am no longer six years old like you once knew me.  In case you haven't noticed I have been able to feed and bathe myself for quite some time now.

I know that you have also prayed about me and my life because of your deep concern. I also have contact with god, and that just because I don't attend your church does not mean that my god is a form of a cult. So please drop that concern as well.  I am able to find god in my everyday life and I think that this is a beautiful thing so please don't look at me with those "I really feel sorry for you child" and "You have so much to learn" eyes.

Just because your life has revolved around having and making more money, I do not think this is what is best for me.  Can you believe me on this? I've tried it, and am still trying to break free from this cycle as I see the torment it puts me and others through.  The constant need for more creates constant unsatisfaction and unhappiness.

The fact that I would like to live in the country and grow my own food and be able to see natural things versus living in a city with a high paying job and a nice house is not something to pity me for either. I understand that my choices will inflict a different kind of hardship on me but I am willing to accept this for my ultimate goal.  I also understand your reasons for why you think this is a terrible idea and choice for my life. I realize that you probably grew up on a farm and felt relieved to get out and into the world.  You were probably pushed by your parents and others to get out there and make something of yourself.  But I believe that humanity is and has been going in the wrong direction for the past 100 years or more, away from the natural world. And just as when you get lost after taking a wrong turn and you must back track your steps and then go from where you came from, I feel that I must do that too.  I will go back to a more "primitive" type of living.  I will keep the things that work for me in my life, and do away with those that don't.  

And while we are having this talk, if you could bring your awareness to how negative you can be when talking to me and how that affects me and other people I think we can both be for the better because of this.  Just because I tell you of an idea that you may think is wild or far-fetched do not automatically laugh or scoff at me.  I may just be on to something.

Family members need love and support from each other, and I love you and support you in whatever life decisions you think are best for your life.  Now please try and work on doing the same for me. 

In love,
Carlie


..

What do you think? I am seriously thinking of sending this as a letter to my super controlling family member.. Does it sound mean in any parts, making her cry is not my goal. I just would like her to understand where I am coming from because when I mention what I truly want to do she either laughs at me or looks as if she is going to cry because she thinks I am joining a cult. No lie. I mentioned moving to an intentional community with Nathan and her main concern was that it was a cult.

So far I have almost completed Lauren's random home-made surprise..

And I started something for Aerish tonight.

This project has made me pretty happy. It gave me something to focus my creative energy on.  I may put out the same post on my myspace journal and see who requests something, probably taking out the stipulation that they have to copy it into their journal..

So all that asked for something I hope you're anxiously waiting by your mailboxes!

..
And damn I am so glad I have two days off in a row.  Ever so grateful! :D

Who has seen this??

http://www.madville.com/link.php?id=101543&t=4

I would probably have to say Bender.. Or R2D2, he's a robot technically right?

When me and Nathan were in Chicago this past August for Lollapalooza we were riding the subway back to our hotel and there was this guy standing next to us with a Bender tattoo on his forearm staying silent. I mentioned that I liked his Bender tatoo and he just lit up and started talking about his love for robots. He then started showing me all these other robot tattoos that he had. I didn't know any of the other robots so I just kind of nodded and did a polite smile. He picked up on my disinterest and he robotically shut down and turned forward and remained in 'off' position until his stop came up and he got off.

Odd huh? Anybody else had an experience with a robot person? Or are you one?

I just spent the past half hour reading back entries on Josh's journal, he's long since disappeared off of here and I guess the same in my real life. Last time I saw him we gave each other (unintentional I think) a half-ass hug and quick small talk...

To all my friends, I love you, even if we don't ever see each other anymore, you're still just as important as ever to me and thanks for being in my life no matter how short or long of time it was.

And if anyone has contact with Josh tell him Hi for me.

This morning me and Nathan woke up extra early (5:45), I guess I should also mention that we fell asleep around 8 last night! But it was really nice because we had hours to spend together before work and I got to see the sun rise. It was extra beautiful with all the energy of the coming day out in the air. I even saw bluebirds out my bedroom window. All of this I was feeling extra thankful for after a dream that I had where Jonna had shown me a tape she had recorded of a class they had with a Bonta/Louisiana back bayou teacher begging people to take action and save these woods (it was an outside class) because they were passing a law that would cut down all the trees so they could mine this strip of land from here to Nevada for clay. I was upset about it in my dream and went outside and realized that today was the day that they were starting in on the forest and that I had been tuning out the sounds of bulldozers and chainsaws all along. I woke up as I was frantic and thinking about if there was a certain tree I wanted to save.

So I was extra happy to see all the life out there in the woods beside my apartment!

We also watched a documentary called The Business of Being Born.



It wasn't what I expected and I recommend it to anyone who thinks they may have a baby or even someone who knows someone who will have a baby, most anyone really!

This is something I want to model my/our future home after, Nathan agrees.



More about it here:
http://www.simondale.net/house/index.htm

Just thought I'd share!